


Saber Meets The In-Laws

by robotortoise



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotortoise/pseuds/robotortoise
Summary: Saber meets the in-laws....and Bowser.





	Saber Meets The In-Laws

Saber and Luigi had only just met after a series of strange events in a port town, but their love had bloomed fast. And soon after, they’d been hitched, much to Celica and her compatriots’ shock.

After the initial surprise had worn off, Lady Celica had agreed to take Luigi onto her army, finding him surprisingly agile and able-bodied. He was handy with a rapier but preferred to kick the enemies or stomp on their delicate heads with his crushing soles.

Eventually, and quite frankly, faster than expected due to Luigi’s presence, Celica found herself face-to-face with the dragon god Duma. Luigi stomped on his head and ground pounded it, crushing the dragon’s skull and ending its life.

Bidding adieu to their cast of colorful characters, Saber and Luigi ventured to the Mushroom Kingdom – an Outrealm, it turned out, containing its own cast of oddballs.

When Luigi had suggested Saber be introduced to Luigi’s brothers, Saber shrugged and said it would be fun, and that he wanted to know what his little ‘Weege’’s family was like.

In retrospect, Saber should have expected strangeness.

* * *

 

“Hello!” said the man opening the door. He had a red cap on with an “M” at the top, a large plump nose like Luigi, and a stellar ‘stache.

Saber surmised that, due to the family resemblance and closeness of attire, this must have been Luigi’s brother, Mario.

“Um, hi there,” said Saber. “I’m Saber. It’s good to meet you.” He held out his hand and a gloved one shook it.

“Welcome! It’s so nice to meet you. It’s-a-me, Mario!” Mario did a flashy little pose, raising one hand above his head and putting the other below his waist. “I’m so pleased to welcome you to our humble little abode!”

Saber scratched his head, uncharacteristically humble. “…Yeah. Thanks.”

“And Luigi!” Mario gave his brother a big bear hug. “It’s so great to see you in one piece! How’s the ghost-hunting going?”

“Oh, uh… You know me, Mario. Luigi, the big ‘ol hero! …or, at least, as far as Professor E. Gadd is concerned, anyway. I’m not certain I feel the same…”

“Luigi, Luigi!” said Mario. “Have some more confidence! You’re wonderful, and I’m sure that’s why the professor loves you so much!”

“If you say so…”

“Well, anyways, make yourself at home! You know where everything is.”

“Yeah…” Luigi walked inside, shivering. He leaned over to Saber and said, “I used to live here. You would not believe how much Mario sheds.”

Saber looked at Mario’s mustache. “Yeah, I think I can guess.”

The inside of the house was rather plain, with wooden furniture, a table at the center of the house, and an empty vase to the right of the entrance. A chimney made its way to the top of the house, presumably to provide warmth on those lonesome chilly nights.

An assortment of chairs was at the center of the room, all seated around the center table.

“So,” Mario said, sitting down and intertwining his hands, “how did you two meet? Luigi has told me all about you, but he never told me how you two met. He did tell me that you met at a port town, however.”

Luigi blushed, and Saber joined him.

“Ah, well…” Luigi said.

A knock at the door.

“Ah!” said Mario, standing up. “That must be Wario and Waluigi!”

Luigi’s comically large eyes widened. “No. Bro, you didn’t invite _them_.”

“They’re family, Luigi…”

“No, they’re not! They have no relation to us!”

“Well, they’re here and at the door, so be nice.”

Luigi put his head on the table. “Oh no…”

“Wario!” said Mario, opening the door and smiling. “And… wait, where’s Waluigi?”

“Ah, he couldn’t make it,” said Wario, waving his hand dismissively. “Something about not being a fighter in Smash. He was being a big crybaby about it. But I’m here! Wah-ha-ha!” He grinned, and Saber could smell a pungent odor exuding from the man even from where he was sitting.

“What _is_ that stench?” asked Saber. “Garlic?”

“Ah,” said Wario. “Sorry, I was eating lots of it before I came here. Didn’t know if you’d be serving food or not, y’know?”

“Well, I hope you didn’t fill up too much, because I’m baking mushrooms!” said Mario.

Saber leaned in to Luigi. “What’s up with your kingdom and mushrooms?”

“It’s the _Mushroom_ Kingdom, Saber!” said Luigi.

“Well, I’m from Valentia and we’re not filled with…” Saber paused. “I don’t know. Valleys?”

Luigi shrugged. “It’s just what we do around here.”

The oven went _ding_ , and Mario went over to it. “Ah,” he said, “they need a few more minutes.” He pressed a few buttons on the oven and sat down.

“So,” said Wario, looking between the two of them. “You two are in love, huh?”

“Yep!” said Luigi, moving to grab Saber’s hand.

Wario pulled out a clove of garlic from… somewhere… and began to munch on it. “You two done it yet?”

“Pardon?” Luigi asked, a fierce red blush appearing on his face. “D-did you just ask if…?”

“If you two have had the sexy-sex? Yeah. Have ya?”

“Y-you can’t just go around asking people that, Wario!” said Luigi.

“And why not?” asked Wario. “I’m an adult. You’re an adult. We’re all adults here. Adults have sex. I’m just asking.”

“…Yes,” said Luigi quietly.

“What was that?” asked Wario, munching on the garlic loudly. “Can’t hear ‘ya from all this garlic. Gets in my skull.”

“Yes!” said Saber. “Yes, we’ve done it.”

Wario grinned. “ _Nice_.”

“W-well…” Mario said, looking between them. “Right, that’s certainly… Right. I think the mushrooms are done!”

“He certainly got a load of your mushroom,” mumbled Wario.

“Enough!” cried Mario. “That is ENOUGH. You will stop this discussion at once, Wario.”

“Fine, fine,” Wario mumbled. “Now gimme some of those baked mushrooms!”

“Certainly!” Mario said, walking over to the oven and opening it, the scent of surprisingly good-smelling mushrooms wafting through the house. He gently placed the tray atop the oven, inhaling and sighing contentedly.

“Those mushrooms smell delightful!” said Luigi, perking up. “Thank you, Mario! Your cooking always brings a tear to my eyes!”

“Glad to hear it!” Mario said, using his spatula to separate the mushrooms from the tray. “I do try my best.”

“Yeah, agreed with the green guy over here,” said Wario. “Mona’s cooking doesn’t hold a candle to yours!”

“Mona is the owner of a local pizza place,” Luigi explained.

“I don’t know what that is,” said Saber.

“Hold on,” said Wario, raising his hand. “You don’t know what _pizza_ is? Luigi, what kind of backwater town did this guy come from?”

“Valentia,” said Saber. “It’s _literally_ another universe. Forgive me for not knowing what this ‘pizza’ is.”

“Oh,” said Wario.

“Yeah. ‘Oh’ is right.” Saber turned to Luigi. “What’s _up_ with this guy?”

“Saber, be nice…”

“Luigi, I’ve never heard anyone as rude as this Wario guy, and I’ve been in the company of thieves, assassins, and prostitutes.”

“What’s a prostitute?” asked Wario.

“Don’t worry about it.” Saber sighed. “So I’m going to ask you once, and only once – stop being such a jackass.”

“Or what? What are you gonna do about it, scrawny?”

“Saber, can I talk to you for a moment?” asked Luigi.

“Sure,” Saber said, standing up.

They made their way outside the house.

“What’s the matter?” asked Luigi. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah…” Saber sighed. “No, not really. This Wario guy is really driving me up a wall. Who just asks if we’ve made love? Even the rogues I’ve befriended have a more roundabout way of going about it.”

“Well, Wario is…” Luigi thought about his choice of words carefully. “He’s… special. He cares mostly about money, and his first encounter with my bro was stealing his castle.”

“Mario has a castle?”

“We haven’t used it in decades. He might as well not anymore.”

“Okay, so this Wario guy’s an ass. Why should I be nice to him?”

“Because he’s family, Saber,” Luigi said quietly. “You need to put on a front for the ones you love.”

Saber sighed deeply. “Fine, but only because it’s you.”

Saber and Luigi re-entered the house (Saber forcing a smile), only to see two more guests – these two were even _more_ bizarre. A woman with bright blonde hair and blue eyes, and a small mushroom creature about half her size sat at the table.

“Ah, Princess!” Luigi said, grinning. “And Toad!”

“Hello!” said Toad in a squeaky voice. “Thanks for inviting us over, Mario!”

“No problem!” Mario said. “Want some mushrooms?”

“I’m… uh, good. Thanks. And you!” The little mushroom creature pointed to Saber. “You must be the Saber I’ve heard about. I was expecting you to be a living weapon, based on the name… We’ve, uh, seen that before. They’re called Thwomps.”

Saber looked to Luigi, who shrugged.

“I’m Peach!” said Peach, waving. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“ _Princess_ Peach,” Toad added.

“Sorry,” said Saber, “but did you say princess?’”

“Yep!” said Toad. “Peach here is the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom!”

“What is it _with_ me and royalty?” muttered Saber. “Pleased to make your acquaintance. Should I bow, or…?”

“No, you’re fine,” she said. “That formality is only required for, say, Bowser.”

There was a knock at the door.

“Speak of the devil!” said Mario. “It’s-a-him!”

Toad shivered. “Mario, you invited _Bowser_?”

“It’s a Mario party!” said Mario. “I had to!”

“Ugh…” Toad groaned. “I don’t know why you always do this. Did you invite Dimento, too?”

“Didn’t he die?” asked Luigi.

“We don’t really know,” said Mario, shrugging. “Anyway, Bowser is here!”

It was then that Saber really started questioning things in this universe.

See, in Saber’s universe, a giant turtle with spikes on its back would be classified a ‘monster’ and should have been killed on sight. But in this one…

“Bwah-hah-hah!” said the spiked monstrosity, bringing out a bouquet from behind its back. “I brought flowers!”

“Thank you, Bowser!” said Mario, hopping and grabbing the flowers from Bowser, placing them in the empty vase. “That was very kind of you!”

“Ah, you know me, Mario!” said Bowser. “Always with the kindness and frivolities and such! I do try.”

“Not always,” muttered Peach.

“Did you say something, Princess?”

“Nope!” Peach put on her best faux smile. “It’s good to have you here, Bowser.”

“Why, thank you!”

Bowser pulled up a chair and was about to sit in it, when Mario shouted, “Wait! I have another chair that’s more suited to your… figure!”

He went into the next room, grabbing a bigger chair that appeared to be made of a sturdier wood. “Here you are, my good pal!”

“Thank you! You’re always such a kind host, Mario.”

“Do you want some mushrooms? They’re baked!”

Bowser gasped. “I would LOVE some. How kind!”

Humming a jaunty tune, Mario handed the bowl of mushrooms to Bowser, who happily inhaled a few.

“Isn’t this the guy that kidnapped the princess?” whispered Saber to Luigi.

Luigi nodded. “Him and Mario have a sort of ‘friendly enemies’ relationship, I guess you could say. I’m not one to judge, but when I occasionally have to do the saving, it does bother me.”

“Hey, I can hear you whispering,” muttered Bowser, taking a bite of a mushroom. “And I really only do it out of obligation by this point. Peach has her very own room and everything, and we coordinate on days she should be kidnapped.”

“It’s true,” said Peach. “He calls me up and asks me if I have anything important planned that weekend before he does it. And the dinners his Goombas cook up are really something else. Who would have thought that having no arms makes you such an excellent chef?”

“I want a Goomba to cook me a meal…” muttered Wario.

“Hey, don’t give them _all_ the credit. I made you that soufflé last time, remember?”

“Oh, that’s true! That was wonderful, Bowser.”

Saber couldn’t help but stare at the two of them. “You _coordinate_ kidnappings?”

“Yep!” said Bowser.

“You’ve got it!” said Peach.

“What the hell,” Saber muttered. “This universe is strange.”

“Oh?” asked Bowser. “You come from another universe?”

“Yeah. Valentia.”

“How interesting.”

“Mmmm,” said Peach. “Yes.”

Saber shook his head. They may have been strange, but these people were his new family. And so he put on a smile and continued conversating. By the end of the day, Saber wouldn’t say he was tightly-knit with his new family, but he did come to appreciate them and their eccentricities. Even Wario.

When Saber got up to leave (making certain to help clean up after Bowser and Toad), he went up to Mario.

“I just wanted to… thank you, I guess,” said Saber. “I haven’t been at peace like this for a long while. It’s… nice.”

Mario gently embraced Saber. “Thank you for making Luigi happy,” he said. I haven’t seen him that chipper since we were Baby Mario and Baby Luigi.”

Saber smiled.

He could get used to a quiet life.


End file.
